Attention all travel enthusiasts seeking an endless parade of horrible life decisions: this article is a must-read before you even think about packing your bags for the Yucatan Peninsula. As your self-appointed guide to all things not worth doing, I have taken it upon myself to reveal the six horrifyingly convincing reasons that should absolutely deter you from visiting this *ahem* “paradise.”
Embarking on this endeavor, I scoured the depths of my extensive travel experience–aka my relentless Netflix binges and the endless scroll through Jealous Friends’ Vacation Pics on social media–to compile the most unassailable arguments against setting foot on Yucatan soil. It was an arduous journey, filled with secondhand exposure to far too many sunsets and picturesque beaches plastered all over the internet.
So, buckle up, my fellow anti-adventurers. Grab your favorite comfort snack, which is unequivocally better than any exotic cuisine you might find, and let me lovingly dismantle any misguided desires you have to visit the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the Yucatan.
Trust me, by the end of this, you’ll be cancelling your tickets and passionately advocating for the unexplored beauty of your backyard (which, unlike the Yucatan, does not require the hassle of updating your passport).
6 Reasons To NEVER Visit The Yucatán Peninsula
1. The Peril of Pristine Beaches
Prepare to be forever ruined. After lounging on the Yucatan’s Powdery white beaches, expect every other beach to feel like sandpaper under your toes. It’s a burden no one should bear. Soon, you’ll be the person who says, “Well, it’s not Yucatan” every time someone shows you a beach pic.
2. Mayan Ruin Elitism
Walk among the ruins of Chichen Itza or Tulum, and you may just turn into that insufferable friend who can’t stop talking about the “spirituality” of ancient architecture. Your future self strolling through local ruins, lamenting, “These aren’t even half as old as the Mayan ruins,” could be your fate.
3. Cenote-Induced Swimming Despair
Dip into the crystal-clear, refreshing cenotes of the Yucatan Peninsula once, and you might as well throw in the towel on any other swimming experience. No more blissful ignorance as you paddle in the average, everyday pool or lake. They will be forever tainted by the memory of perfection.
4. The Outrageously Exotic Wildlife
Consider the exhaustion of having to look at pink flamingos, slow-moving sea turtles, or the occasional jaguar. And who wants to go snorkeling only to see an aquatic rainbow of marine life under every wave? The audacity of Yucatan’s wildlife to be so diverse and beautiful is simply too much.
5. The Crippling Deliciousness of Yucatan Cuisine
The food. Oh, the food! Tacos, fresh seafood, spicy condiments that will enliven all five senses and possibly invent a sixth one. Once you’ve had a taste of the local dishes like cochinita pibil or salbutes, your taste buds might stage a revolt back home at the mere mention of fast food.
6. The Overwhelming Cultural Richness
Yucatan’s culture is so thick you could slice it with a machete. From the traditional dances to the colorful handcrafted clothing, you might find yourself developing an actual interest in other cultures. Caution: exposure to such rich heritage could lead to increased perspective and worldly knowledge.